the scatterbox organized

The Lost Year

I had heard the phrase before to describe different situations for different people.  Basically, for one reason or another, the person had circumstances arise in their lives where time, in these cases, a literal year or two, had gone by most unremarkably.  It seems that I have experienced the same.

This past weekend marks a year since a very dear friend of mine was killed in a car accident at the age of 32.  It happened a week after I stopped playing roller derby, one of many reasons being that I was going to attempt to tackle some other interests of mine.  After Liz died, it had the opposite effect, almost like a subconscious excuse to let things fall by the wayside.  It wasn't that it had plunged me into a pit of mass depression; I was in a cloudy funk for a couple months, yes, but it wasn't entirely new...  Beginning with my father in 2005, she was the fifth relative or friend I had lost in three years, but it seems that it knocked me far back enough into a hole to make it difficult to climb out.  Aside from a couple trips we had taken, the past calendar year was the most unproductive, uneventful ever for me, both mentally and physically.  Affecting attitude, motivation, and creativity, you could have erased the time from my bio and no one would be the wiser.

Luckily, I began to wake up from it the past couple months.  I read some great, inspiring books, I've begun to exercise again for the first time in a year, and really thought about getting my interests back on track, all of which are very important to my productivity and my relationships with those around me.  A co-worker of mine retired a couple weeks ago, and as a going away gift, she received a book filled with well-wishes from patrons of ours.  In skimming through it, there were many quotes echoing essentially the same sentiment: "Now you can enjoy your life and do all the things you've wanted!"

Really?

Is that what it's all about?  Putting life, itself, on hold until more than half of it is over and you probably don't even have the strength, energy, or desire to do the things you dreamt about twenty, thirty, or forty years earlier?

No thank you.

Maybe I'm selfish, but depriving yourself of what truly motivates and excites you, and maybe even what could be your calling, seems like shortchanging yourself.  About seven years back, I started to stop daydreaming about new experiences and started doing them.  My father's passing pushed it a little further.  Liz's did, too, but it's not been until now for that particular push to take effect.  Better late than never, as they say.  I recently had a conversation with another friend about how she really wanted to start pursuing her passion.  She told me about the quote she has posted in her home that continually asks what you would do if you knew you could not fail.  I have a beloved Ben & Jerry's bumper sticker on my car that reads, "If it's not fun, why do it?"  Both are mantras that I've taken to heart in the past and am working on implementing again.  Granted, most people are faced with obstacles that may keep them from pursuing what they desire, be it kids, finances, location, etc.  But when you really break it down, is it something you can learn from books at the library?  Are there skills you can obtain by bartering services with someone?  Can you get your kids involved in the journey with you?  I bet if people took the time to really see how they can take baby steps toward their goal, that it can be attainable.  It may not happen in a month, or a year, or even ten, but if you want it bad enough, time won't matter.  That is what I remind myself.  Time won't matter... unless you think you have all the time in the world to accomplish it some other day.  Like Liz, not everyone gets that chance.  So I have no more excuses and I am no longer complacent with my status quo.  The bad habits, the procrastination, and the self-doubt have no more room here.  If I am to achieve the things I want, which will in turn make me a better person for those around me, it can't have that room, and it can't wait.  So I'm beginning again, every day, little by little, to make sure that this next year is, most definitely, found. 

Now ask yourself:  What would YOU do if you knew you could not fail?  And why are you not doing it?

Is that drought still going on?

Is this thing still on??  Jeez. 

I promise I'll be out of blogger jail soon and get something remotely interesting up.  The last month disappeared on me somehow, but it's all good.  I was out of town for almost two weeks, then got back with two craft shows to prepare for.  Busy, but good!  The Big One (well, biggest for me yet, anyway) is this Sunday, so hopefully when it's over, it might give me a little more quality time with the blog.  I can tell you all about the trip we took (evidenced by some of my newer photos, if you've been looking...) and how I'm finally nailing down a direction in my mind for scatterbox.  I'll be training up that scatterbrain to follow suit so it can make it a reality.  But it should be exciting!  Hopefully it also means I'll be able to have enough new goods for my show in November for all the locals to see, and just in time for Christmas shopping.  Good lawd... it's almost holiday shopping time already...

Be back soon!

Simple Pleasures

Anyone who knows me well enough would know that I am quite a simple creature at heart.  I love finding beauty and happiness in small things, and I'm one of those people who stops and smells the roses.  Literally.  In the mornings at home, and sometimes most of the day, I don't have the TV or radio on at all because I love listening to the birds that we get coming to our feeder like an all-night diner.  Especially the cardinals.  So purdy, and I love their loud, confident chirp.  Even now, as I type this at two in the morning, I'm enjoying the awesome sound of the heavy showers outside, compliments of tropical storm Hanna.

On Labor Day, I went down to Glenwood South, the area just shy of downtown that is going through a renaissance period along with the rest of the city.  I love the older, traditional houses I pass on my way there with their big porches and trees that surround them like a big, leafy hug.  It's a very walkable area with cute shops, tiny art galleries, cafes, and hidden restaurants like The Rockford (that you really almost have to hear about by word of mouth to even know it exists beyond its barely-marked door leading upstairs to its hideaway location).  I went with the intention of capturing more photos for my shop, but ended up just enjoying the day, even though most places were closed for the holiday.  It was in the low 80s with wonderfully low humidity, and because of the renovations going on, there was the distinct smell of burning wood, which just gets me totally amped for the upcoming autumn season.  And the sky was crystal clear.  We got a great filter with the new camera that makes the blue just pop.

I started by perusing my favorite beady/crafty shop, Ornamentea, which never fails to trap me inside for way longer than I anticipate.  I just get lost pouring over the ideas in their books, the hodgepodge of mixed media embellishments, and the sparkly intoxication of their Swarovski bead collection.  Walking further down the road, I came upon The Cupcake Shoppe (I just LOVE spelling it with the extra 'pe' at the end!).  I have this little fantasy dream of owning my own shoppe, selling who-knows-what, that is just as cute as cute can be.  And The Cupcake Shoppe is just that.  Tiny and walkable, with a cute little sign and cute little awning.  When in business, it has patio tables set up outside.  There's often a chalkboard sign (another favorite of mine) right outside the entrance that advertises current specials, and ledges inside the picture windows that are big enough to let you decorate for each season and holiday (which they do).  There is just a small handful of tables inside, with a huge counter and an incredible vintage cash register sitting on it.  Towards the back are two skinny swing doors leading to the place where they make the magic happen.  It's the same feeling I have when I see The Shop Around The Corner, every time I watch You've Got Mail (which is, of course, one of my favorite movies).

It's perfect.

A small confession of mine is that I read a collection of mystery novels from an author named Joanne Fluke.  My husband laughs at me because they are titled with names like Strawberry Shortcake Murder, Sugar Cookie Murder, and Peach Cobbler Murder.  And I love, love, love them.  Sure, they're a bit cheesy, and yes, they are laden with recipes for all kinds of great cookies and desserts, but it's the simplicity that draws me in.  You really get hooked on the characters almost more than the story, because of how much you get to know them and the relationships they have with each other.  The heroine is a girl my age named Hannah Swensen, a good-natured, intelligent chick who runs a tiny cookie and coffee shop in a little lake town in Minnesota.  And guess what... It's just like my little Cupcake Shoppe.  She lives such a sweet little happy life (aside from the finding dead bodies thing).  AND she makes cookies for a living.  And that's why I like it.  :)

My next stop was someplace that I have been saying I want to go into for the entire five years I've been here.  Helios is a coffee shop featuring great, natural food and good coffee.  The setting is light and modern, and there are featured artists' works lining the walls. 

 

FINALLY I made it in for lunch, though slightly out of place being in the minority of people who didn't have a laptop splayed out on my eat space.  I ordered up a scrumptiously good sandwich of pear, gorgonzola cheese, and spinach on multi-grain bread with a side of carrots and some really good hummus.  Nom nom nom!  And to boot, they were playing Pearl Jam's Ten, one of my favorite albums of all time, on the overhead. 

Bliss.

Oh, how I love the little things.  They just make everything better and do a greater job of putting a smile on my face more than any jewelry, car, or money ever could.

It was a good day.

in absentia

Been a while, huh? 

It's been a little while for a lot of things, I've realized.  While my brain (if not, unfortunately, my hands) is usually constantly consumed with all things crafty/Etsy, it's been rather detached from that world for a bit.  My very wonderful, good, best-to-me, friend Liz was killed in a car accident on June 14th.  We had one of those long-distance relationships, but it was a such good one.  Since then, I've been very much in a mental fog and haven't even had the desire to even think about anything creatively related, which is a surprise, even to me.  That feeling of something missing... like being a lonely, lost puppy all of a sudden.

But it's time.  It's time to get out of that funk and keep going with this road that I've paved, just as Liz was doing.  Time to stop thinking and start making.  And keeping up with this thing more.  Maybe I'll even get my husband to give up the location of that snickerdoodle recipe...

Besides!  I've got my first ever real-deal craft show coming up [insert nerves here].  If you live in the Raleigh area, you can visit me and my hopefully-not-too-pathetic booth at the Designer's Downtown Market outside Ornamentea and The Purple Armchair on Saturday, July 19th.  I'll have items familiar to my site, but also some new ideas that haven't made their debut yet, including a new style of photography that I've fallen for.

I will not procrastinate!!!